Acceptance-Finding the square hole

Many spend their lives making lemonade from the lemons of life, but many more struggle trying to fit the square peg in the obvious round hole. Tireless effort to achieve their goals is the mark of a champion. Unfortunately, humankind discovers frustration early on, prior to the Baby’s stage of Me, Mine, Give-Me. Some of the wise-ones deploy acceptance, which terminates frustration. Once we accept genuinely, frustration is rootless and ceases to exist. Acceptance is our key to the new path possibly leading to the goal when realistic maneuvers finally break through all the frustration.

Concisely acceptance leads to finding the square hole for the square peg. What is more frustrating than beating on that square peg and finding nothing left except a mess of the peg and the round hole, which is waiting for the round peg that could show up one day. Bill is a prime example of how this comes about.

Bill was born in the south during the sixties; he helped his grandfather in the garden, attended church painlessly with his family, and always did his homework. At home, he obeyed the rules and did his chores. In team sports, he was a good team mate, not a superstar by any means, but Bill did play the games by the rules, and applied good sportsmanship. He was an average kid, red-haired and not thin nor fat. Average is by no means bad, as it denotes the majority.

Deep down inside he wished for the accolades of superlativeness, but rarely heard them. Superstardom was a mysterious thing, and he had no ideas on breaking the secret code of overachievement. Bill spent many days pondering where this treasure hid, how he could score goals, and touchdowns, join the honor role, and bask in the warm glow of Glory.

In High School, he began to socialize with the girls he grew up with and even started dating. He hung out with the central group of his class; they did not belong to any particular club or team, but at most school functions they always seemed together. During this time, Julie watched Bill, and found him appealing. He was quiet, but not withdrawn, and always gave her a smile, and he had fire-red hair. Bill had always found Julie pretty, she had brown hair and green-eyes which blended well with her darker complexion, now he found her attractive. He liked her big, green eyes.

Julie pursued Bill, as he seemed reluctant to engage in responding to her gentle hints and looks. She looked for him at all social activities and kept close to him. Bill eventually came to realize she liked him, and that was its own glory. That was a superlative development which somewhat relieved his constant nagging in his mind about his mediocrity. He discovered his interest in Julie was much stronger than his concerns, he had a girlfriend, and she liked him.

Bill began to wait for Julie in the parking lot before the game, and made sure to ask her out to the next event. This relationship grew serious in their senior year and they both applied and attended the state university, Julie studied economics, Bill stuck to agronomy and the sciences required. When they achieved their bachelor’s degrees, they felt free to marry and build their lives together.

Julie went to work for a medium-sized bank as a teller, Bill submitted resumes to some of the larger agricultural corporations in Georgia, and after several interviews, and he found a position in management assisting a senior executive with his division. Bill went to work for Tom and the division of real estate management and acquisition, Bill had a great opportunity to grow professionally, and he was excited.

Their lives continued blissfully and in a couple of years, their son, Bill Jr. was born, followed three years later by Mary, and named after her Grandmother. Julie always wanted a daughter named after her mother and now she had a son and daughter. Julie’s relationship with Bill’s parents was great, and she loved her father very much, but none matched the bond she shared with her mother.

Bill diligently applied himself during these years and found ways to promote his ideas; he was very creative and had a lifetime of considering plants and the relationship with their nutrients and soils. From the time when he helped his grandfather in his garden, Bill wished to utilize ancient and modern technologies. Yes, he had a lifetime of pondering the general topic, agriculture. That was a driving factor for Tom when choosing a second view in the properties he managed, all were some type of agricultural operation and the gamble on Bill paid off well.

Julie had a great deal of support, Bill and his parents and her parents made a formidable team, and when little Mary was three; Julie began focusing more on work.

Julie’s mother Mary and Bill’s Mother Judith took turns watching the kids and getting them to and fro the pre-kindergarten and school as time passed, their role was vital in all of their offspring’s development from kids to grandkids. The team work developed a very strong bond for all of them, and that is a bonus for caring and trying. Learned experience noted, if you do not try to help, you do not learn this. Instead, you learn why not helping is not worth the effort it saved.

Julie worked through both pregnancies and the grandparents helped with babysitting, but soon the youngest would be in school and her job occupation needed some catch-up. She treaded water long enough and prepared to use her education and tenure to achieve promotion. The bank sponsored continuing education assistance and seminars, the opportunities excited Julie as she kicked her career into high gear.

In the next five years life changed for Julie, she aggressively trained and did her job. She became head teller and once again advanced to commercial loans. Bill also succeeded in building a strong relationship with Tom, and together they proposed many innovations as Bill had dreamt.

Bill Jr. was in third grade and Mary soon would be ready for first. Time continued its relentless march, and the children grew like weeds.

Ten years after college, they were doing well. With all the bases covered, the couple prospered in the satisfaction of success. In the late 1990’s their industries grew, and they had more than enough work. They both relegated their jobs when they were home and made time for the kid’s activities. Bill’s boss and mentor Tom read the writing on the wall, he knew after the dot com market adjustment that some new commodity would take its place on the investor balloon-filling machine, the next bubble to burst would be real estate. Tom waited a couple of years, but began planning his exit strategy.

When the time came he began his announcement with Bill, Tom chose Bill to take over his work, it was logical he would fill Tom’s shoes. Tom retired, but a young executive vice-president became Tom’s replacement, Bill was disappointed, understandably. Bill’s new supervisor was John Higgins. At thirty, John was creative, an ivy-league scholar, and a superstar.

John began harvesting old and new holdings, taking advantage of the land boom. Developers from the region found many of the operations perfect for redevelopment, most of the farms had built the roads that now would open the door for more traffic, residential traffic. This factor snowballed into many side effects and began a massive sell off and regrouping for the company, high profit years and gained efficiency created a new direction for Bill’s old company, one he chose not to follow.

Bill sold off some of his shares to finance a new occupation, he became an agricultural agent with his home county and began to meet and greet. He found his diminished income would do, and his normal work hours combined with his much-appreciated new role with the state gave him a little glory, he was over-qualified and great for his position. Effortlessly he assisted the local farmers as a good friend, and a respected authority.

Julie became a senior vice-president with her bank corporation and was very busy, her superstardom was hectic and she retired after twenty years because Bill did so well with his new role, she relished the future of team mom and someday grandmother, and knew the rewards of following her mother’s and mother-in-law’s footsteps, they showed her the way.

When time came for frustration, these two accepted, moved on and reaped satisfaction with their lives’ work. Bill at last is a superstar. He is the whale in the bay because his experienced-gained expertise is unquestionably solid, his advice and direction gold. The best part is his courage and wisdom to accept the inevitable led to Julie’s happiness as well. Life’s lessons hide in some peculiar spots, and usually living it is the only way you can stumble on them. For the grandparents, Bill and Julie knew to help them in their final years, they were taught how many years ago. Their grown children knew the way after watching their elders walk that road.

Attached to this lesson is some helpful information concerning depression, the stigma and challenges associated with it, particularly for the elderly from Caring.com, an authority on health care. Families that can care for each other will benefit from Christine’s expertise.


American Association for Geriatric Psychiatry: Interview with Christine deVries

By Brad Prescott, Caring.com senior editor from: http://www.caring.com/articles/american-association-for-geriatric-psychiatry


For those who are unfamiliar, what is the mission and purpose of the AAGP?


Page 1 of 5

Bringing Attention to the Mental Health Needs of Older Adults
Unfortunately, in today's society mental health is still viewed with a stigma, as some dirty little secret that many people refuse to discuss among family and friends. Many won't admit to themselves or others that they could benefit from treatment. Among seniors, this stigma around needing mental healthcare is often exacerbated by generational stereotypes of depression as something for people with "major problems," or as a normal part of life that should just be endured. Couple this with the general lack of experience and ignorance many seniors have in dealing with mental healthcare, and it's no wonder depression and mental illness are increasingly more common among seniors. Christine deVries, CEO of the American Association for Geriatric Psychiatry, discusses these issues and more.

Christine deVries, CEO: AAGP is a professional membership association that promotes the mental health and well-being of older people through professional education, public advocacy, and support of career development for clinicians, educators, and researchers in geriatric psychiatry and mental

The remainder of this article is at

http://www.caring.com/articles/american-association-for-geriatric-psychiatry

The Rage, the unadvised elixir for depression.

The Rage, it shares the stage with depression.

Depression and rage do share the stage causing mood swings oscillating as a stop sign in a hurricane. Strong emotions to control and they are obstacles dealing with life’s challenges. Being unsure of which to wake up with, you will not be disappointed as the other is sure to appear to as the previous is leaves the scene. Assuming the common root of both is one of those too-high hurdles, until it is defeated or removed depression and it’s elixir rage are going nowhere. One suffering through this will experience one and the question is “Does rage mask depression?” Removing the root hurdle is the safest thing to do, and the golden lesson here is how? Could it be as simple as not denying, but ignoring?

Difficult economic times promote just this happenstance as witnessed by screaming customers upset about mustard on a .99-cent burger, the frustration takes its toll. When logic intercedes depression will remind the suffering what is the true problem, and it is not trivial, often it is staring one’s mortality in the eye. A melancholy attitude is less offensive to the community, but devastating to the individual. Now accepting and ignoring the obvious is a mental exercise that builds strength of will, once accepted and relegated to being a part of life, closure and it’s peace is the reward, with the new, improved will stronger to battle the suffering mind.

Life’s hurdles are a challenge, and someone suffering terminally that you are close to is sufficient to enroll you in this set of lessons. The courage it takes to dismiss the soothing elixir of rage instructs the psyche on the benefits of defeating depression. Some pray, others exercise, and many abuse food, wine, and song. Finding the correct path that get’s you to a peaceful place instead of reckless bucket listing is a gold nugget of happiness, and is a reward for persistently taking control.

Jack and Laura were a great couple. Jack was about six-foot tall, athletic, and a happy, quiet young man in 1969. He had a boyish smirk akin to Peter Pan and a twinkle in his blue eyes. In 1969, he was a freshly graduated from Kent State with a degree in economics and studied commercial lending. He came home after graduation while the country was in turmoil over the war, but somehow was never sent a draft notice. He was focused on working in the insurance industry, managing sales and long-term investment. This fit his temperament; anything he did was worth persisting for the long haul. He had a quiet, charming personality that most found appealing.

Laura was two years behind Jack in school and had attended community college twenty minutes from home, she worked at the town’s large law firm, first as a receptionist and promoted to Para-legal work. She was tall and willowy, natural blond and wholesome. She learned fast and possessed focus to her work. She was pretty and could have been a model, but she was too anchored to reality to dream her life away. Laura was driven to grab life, was tired of school, and pleased to be working. Jack fell in love with her and her sparkly eyes, and she remembered him from High School, she found him mature and appealing. They grew up within ten blocks of one another, but had never socialized, or even spoke to one another, but she knew him. They met when Jack paid the law office a visit attempting to set appointments with the staff for life insurance, and he sold himself to the receptionist.

Jack and Laura married in 1970, both young professionals worked long hours to build the life they desired. They both lived by the creed, “Work hard at life and you will reap what you sow.” They did not have time for politics or recreational drugs, content to live their lives based on work and spending evenings relaxing at home after dinner. Weekends usually included Saturday night at the movie theater or a dinner at a local restaurant, and sometimes both.

In 1975 Laura had a worrisome annual exam with her gynecologist, and after a lengthy regimen of test and biopsy, Fibroid ovarian tumors were found to be the culprit causing her ever-growing discomfort. In 1975, radical hysterectomy was the safest option when the ovaries were encased in fibroid tumors as hers, some the size of walnuts. She chose to have her doctor remove her ovaries, except for a small portion of the left one, hoping it would regenerate.

Jack enjoyed great health, an even-temperament and never lacked the energy to accomplish what he drove himself to do. In his school days, he played six seasons of soccer and anchored the defense as a goalie each season. That is a tough position wrought with injuries to the hand and its digits, as well as the common shin splints, weak ankles, and other maladies common to the sport. It speaks to his quiet determination to know he never lost his cool as that heavy ball ripped at his fingers, jamming his thumb and breaking his wrist, those little bones are connected nerves that can scream loudly with the best of them. He was an American kid like the old cowboy stars, or the famous quarterback that claimed if you don’t mind, it don’t matter. Those unflappable, strong, silent types is what many mothers hoped their sons would be.

In 1987, Laura’s gynecologist found an alarming result from her always-imperfect Pap Smears and after some added diagnostics suggested the hysterectomy, a procedure she had avoided more than a decade ago. Since she never conceived a child, she relinquished this time and underwent the procedure. After a normal convalescence at home she returned to work as she hoped.

Her emotions began to sneak up on her and she was disturbed by her newfound challenge to resist being too blunt. She was on edge and nervous, and before long she was not the Laura her workmates had come to admire and respect, she was prickly, like a cactus. Jack grew accustomed to having the spurs put to him as well, and he never lost his good attitude, the way he had always been, mellow and unflappable, impossible to draw into an argument. In 1996, Jack had a massive coronary and died, he was 50 years old.

Laura had a difficult time accepting Jack being gone and became short with the office she had managed for over 20 years, many of the people she had trained and nurtured became distant, which increased her suffering, without Jack her life did not work at all. She attempted repairing the old camaraderie, but had burnt those bridges long ago; she was simply their boss, not their friend.

Jack had became an expert in long-term investment and left her with plenty of passive income. She retired in 2000, and began unraveling her tangled life. Her father had passed before Jack and she brought her Mother home when her health began to fail, age had taken its toll.

Her Mother’s name was Mary, and they spent their days shopping, visiting family and most things her mother wanted to do. Laura suffered the loss of Jack and knew someday she would lose Mary; this gave her some patience, which came in handy sometimes. As the time passed, they spent more time at home, but still visited her cousins and Aunt Debbie, her mother’s sister and also a widow. Oddly, she found her new life was at home with her Mom, and it was good.

They spent plenty of time discussing life, they both shared the view that the best was done. They were not bitter, but philosophical in there talks, and Laura made mental notes on her mothers thoughts. She knew her mother had hoped for grandchildren, and she found the grandchildren to love with her sister’s grandchildren; she was a Great-Aunt and loved the children as her own. She was widowed as Laura was and the calm demeanor she approached that challenge showed Laura a way to overcome the bitterness of being without Jack and like her Mother, had no intentions of another man to train.

The calming presence of her Mother brought her the means to calm herself, and she adopted her cousin’s children a lot like the great Aunt like Mary, and found the children she thought she would never have to love. She followed her Mother while propping her up to walk her final days, and when she passed her family circled around her and involved her in every aspect of life they had, and she found her way to peace. When Laura passed away in 2010, she passed happily and content, with her loved ones near.

News and Events of Hope HealthCare Services: Samira K. Beckwith appointed to National PACE Asso...

News and Events of Hope HealthCare Services: Samira K. Beckwith appointed to National PACE Asso...: Samira K. Beckwith, president and CEO of Hope HealthCare Services, recently was elected to the board of directors for the National PACE Asso...

Introduction and my denial

Life’s lessons come to us while trying to survive, and the challenges bestow insight. The scientific community refers to this as learned behaviors. They are an accumulation of our being that is not biological. Maybe, they are not in our genetics, but do play a primary role in psyche. For the most part increasing our brainpower, and at times leaving a scar. An open-minded approach to our life can minimize scarring, and elevate our experience while we are alive.
 




A baby learns to cry, and then learns to use it to their advantage quickly. This phenomenon occurs in the animal realm and Humanity’s, it is how the planet works, learned behavior. Every day is a challenge, and an organic module packed with lessons teaching us the things to remember, that we must.

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved. ~ Helen Keller, (1880-1968)

The final lessons are much more refined than a baby‘s initial lesson.
Sharing these insightful nuggets is not easy as most apparently enjoy learning them themselves. Learning these lessons thoroughly for all enlightenment available is intriguing. To add oomph to this we will benefit by other’s perspective from the personal experience or specialized knowledge.

I have a penchant for interviewing those in the know, and it is refreshing to be part of that group this time. I will locate some upper classmen who know more than I do, and some who may not be quite as advanced. Surely, this is going to be enlightening for my readers, and that is my purpose.

The premise is not unique, but the new views will be, so enjoy my work while considering the facts. I understood many things now that I did not back in my youth. I hear people say, “I wish I knew then what I know now” or “Wow, I did not see that coming!” These lessons are why we wise ones see it coming. This is useful information and it might help someone before his or her final classes begin, that would be cool. Let’s dig in.

Chapter 1-The Rage, it comes after denial.

In hindsight the effects of the doctor’s prognosis was shockingly mild. Something that could be thirty-years down the road seemed surreal at 22. Dying is a catalyst for many emotional states; the first for me was denial. Procrastination is a tool for avoiding the hurdles, and life taught us that. It is more comfortable to wait until you cannot wait any longer, its how many of us work. The nastiest duties rank top priority for things to put off until tomorrow, and things we deny sit in Limbo.

Facing up to an impossibly high hurdle is best to forget, until we must fall on our face. When jumping the death hurdle that nobody clears that hurdle, but Jesus. His Earth life was for communication, we are humans and do fare near as well.

When the doctor saw me that morning in 1983 he blanched at the bright orange jaundice covering my 22-year old body. “How long have you been ill Coleman?”

“About three weeks”

“You have been vomiting and suffering diarrhea for three weeks”

“Yes sir”

“Why did you not come in sooner?”

“I could not miss work”

“Well, your workmates might wish you came in sooner, you obviously have contracted Hepatitis, and your entire household needs to be immunized, it can be very contagious”
My wife and children went to the doctor and I went home to rest. They came home relieved they did not need the shots. I had been working construction as laborer and could not return without the doctors O.K. I went home and felt better just being able to be sick in private, the construction site was not the place to suffer the incredibly strong illness. Later I learned I would have died if I kept it up. My body gradually relaxed and the symptoms decreased, but hung on doggedly in it‘s diminished form. After a week, I went back for my follow-up and the doctor explained my hepatitis was not infectious, but it would never go away. The hepatitis could be forgotten and for the most part better, but some day it would kill me. Sure enough, some symptoms left, and others diminished sufficiently to allow me to return to work.

This may sound crazy, but I liked to work hard, I had since I was a boy and it was weight training, all day, everyday. I lost this past time, I learned to slow down, and so I would not become nauseous. I learned to respect my new perimeters and forgot about being sick, for the most part. I never regained my power, but I could work.

I was always lightheaded, and insignificant things provoked nausea that did not before. It began with a flush of heat on the face, and then a bubble of a belch that would warn it was time to run somewhere private. I learned to persevere, and had newfound respect for my job, I was not what I used to be, and life taught me to slow down to survive. Before this, I liked leaving a job to punish my employers, now it was a privilege to work, between rushing for privacy from time to time. I learned to respect an employer that could overlook this new handicap, and gave the best days I could. It was not as death was imminent. I was not the site wild-man any longer. I became accustomed to ignoring it, and in time forgot about it. So I accepted diminished capacity and my family forgot it even faster. For thirty-years and me forgetting it was best, everybody dies is a long time. Time does not affect the outcome; it just keeps affecting your perspective. I learned what some of my favorite athletes knew, as Quarterback Brett Favre said, “Pain is mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it don’t matter” I do not know if he was first to say that, but it is profound.

During this time my body complained, I broke a bone in my spine, developed an Arrhythmia, and its companion, High Blood pressure. I worked, and went to bed after dinner for many years, babying my ever-growing list of conditions. All of them plaguing me in unison were a very challenging force to ignore.

These are all common maladies that many ignore; life taught us how to survive them. The accident that broke my backbone also ruptured several discs in the lumbar, they did not regenerate and the pain was fierce. Eventually worker’s comp came into to play. When the surgeon reviewed my x-rays and me and disco graph MRI for surgery he shook his head and seemed dismayed,

“Coleman, the suture would be 14 inches long and there are no guarantees you will walk as well as you do now, I know it hurts, but I cannot guarantee your pain will not worsen from surgery.” He counseled me to avoid surgery.

“I don’t know how you are doing so well, but if I were you I would not let anyone open up that back and graft anything, or even disturb those nerves.”

My learned behavior enabled me to proceed with my survival instincts and walking without a cane or becoming wheelchair bound, and I heeded the advice and ran as fast as I could home. If you don’t mind, it don’t matter.

Now, let’s talk about the rage, for me it occurred after fifteen years of tolerating and trying to work in sales. When I became tired, and my stomach burned for a few years everyday, I knew what was a lot closer, it had been almost 28 years. When I saw it was in my living room instead of “Down the road“, I expected help, not denial from others. Someday I would learn to appreciate my family and friends denial, it eased their pain. After the rage, that I could not let loose on my loved ones, but Social Security peeved me greatly.

After being rated handicapped in 2000, I by-passed the disablement program and used my own money to build a business, that was wiped out in the great recession. Oddly, the administration had my files, but I had worked, my rewards for struggling, suffering, and ultimately losing it all was grand scale obtuseness, that enraged me. It was a challenge to dismiss the hate, and enjoy what was left of my time, but I am managing.