Ed was a tall man in his fifties with graying hair and a face like an old farm truck. He had a lot of miles under his hood and they showed. Being a child of the sixties and a teen of the seventies had given him ample opportunity to be a wild-child, of which he took full advantage of. When his fifties rolled around, he had quite an array of life’s trophies such as his wife Ann, his wife for over 30 years, four grown children who loved him, and thirteen grandchildren, all beautiful.
Ed contracted Hepatitis C in his twenties and during his fifties he began to have chronic symptoms associated with the disease. He was fortunate in that his wife had not contracted this from him and he gradually accepted his fate. One thing that gnawed at his psyche was the fact he had never actually accomplished much beyond working hard with his wife supporting their family, which in itself he did find comfort.
As time passed he suffered the common symptoms of Chronic Hepatitis C and became familiar with them. He tracked the progression of the disease by comparing the level of discomfort they gave him, and in time knew that the end stage of his ailment was looming, long before others could tell.
Ed kept this to himself to alleviate any unnecessary stress and pain on his loved, his trophies for living the life he chose, but as time went on it became obvious he was getting sicker, and he could not disguise the harbingers any longer. Soon, his wife knew he was dying and as this progressed his kids put it together as well, Ed would not be with them very much longer.
As fate would have it his father also began to suffer from Cirrhosis due to his enjoyment of whiskey in the evenings and at social events. His Father was not a heavy drinker, but apparently at eighty-years-old it had caught up to him. Ed’s father was alarmed at the symptoms he suffered which were a bit different than Ed’s, but similar in that they suffered some common discomforts. Ed visited his father one day who was being challenged by his mortality. Ed talked with his Dad a while and discussed it.
“I can’t believe that this of all things is going to kill me, I don’t drink that much.”
“Dad, you are eighty, and you are not dying yet”
“That is the rub Eddie, I am dying, but everyone seems to think I am not, it is very frustrating.”
“I think it is like if you see a tornado in your rearview mirror, it is mighty scary, but for those watching it on television it is not that close, everyone except you are watching it from a safe distance.”
“Oh, so until my truck is flying through the air, the world can fluff it off”
“The world is going to reject the thought of you dying until they cannot any longer, but it would be real hard for you to do that, with it in the rear view you see it any time you look, the tornado is on your road.”
“Sometimes you are full of it Ed, but I love you”
Ed thought to himself for a minute, his analogy did not convey the comfort he hoped it would, he was going to have to do better than that.
Ed said “Pops, when I was at my best as a son I helped you carry the heavy loads, now I am with you in dying too, we will do this as a team, partner, I am right there with you”
This initially shocked his father a little, but by the time Ed was ready to go home he could tell his dad felt better and he had said the right thing. This was another trophy he would cherish. They had worked construction as a small business during Ed’s youth and he had carried the heavy load many times, his dad knew he was right. They were always pretty good friends, and had put in a lot of tough days together, a lot.
Now Ed discovered something else he could do, he could tell his loved ones things how much, and why he loved them when he recognized the opportunity, and let them know his love would last forever if they thought about it. Ed’s father knew his son was with him and understood as he always had, Ed’s kids knew he loved them more than anything, and knew how to love their children like that, and exactly why they should.
Ed got really good at this and proceeded to do it in every opportunity he found. His children received his wisdom, his grandchildren, the activity spread to his friends, and even his limited social circles.
With his wife he found monumental patience, and turned up the charm a bit. He did more of the things she had wanted to do together before that he had resisted, and found comfort that he could plan her future by knowing his own. He found himself biting his tongue and not arguing over the same old things she did that drove him nuts, they really did not matter anymore, they were not important now. In this way he knew she understood that he loved her, and that was his priority.
Ed deployed this tactic on everyone he could, it was a silent message that would endure. At the store he tried to beat the checkout clerk to the punch and tell them to have a nice day first, he figured a warmer experience would make their day better, and give them a desire to be happy at work. Possibly they might appreciate it enough to adopt the tactic themselves.
One day while Ed’s jaundice beamed a grandson of his began asking questions about being ill.
“Grandpa, you look orange.”
“Yup, I thought I was a little colorful myself this morning”
“Why?”
“Well Jimmy, my liver has been acting up and it makes me yellow or even orange.”
“Are you going to die?”
“Yes Jimmy, I am pretty sick, and someday I will die, everyone does someday”
Jimmy was distraught with the conversation and silently held back some tears, like the little tough guy he was born to be.
Ed sat down on the couch next to him, he knew being nine-years-old could be tough.
“We are like everything else in the world, we only last a while. Big trees and even mountains do, they crumble down to boulders, then rocks, it takes a long time, but someday they turn to pebbles. A big Oak tree grows for hundreds of years, but one day they fall to the ground with the pebbles and rot.”
That was a good start, but Ed needed to tell him more while he had his attention.
“Think about all the birds and animals that lived in that tree, it did it’s job, it had a life. You have a life and you are important to everyone who loves you, but most important to yourself. You, old Buddy, must do something with your life that makes you happy and proud. Long after I am gone you will have a life, it is yours. You do the best you can, it is most important to you, you have to be happy with what you do, with your life.”
Jimmy looked like he was trying to take it all in, trying to get his arms around Ed’s words.
“Jim, you remember I will always love you.”
“I know Grandpa”
“That is because I made darn sure you knew, from the day you were born. I always picked you up when you were little, always spent time showing the fishing and shooting tricks I know, I always let you pick out what we watch on T.V. , and I take up your side when you are in trouble, that is because I made sure you know I love you.”
Jimmy looked up and Ed kept going.
"We all are born, and we all will die, what we do in the middle is what is important, it’s important to me, your Mom, and Dad, Grandma, and all that love you, but most important is it is important to you. Take your time serious, do the best you can, it is for you even when you don’t know it, and make sure everyone you love know you love them. Now you know why that is so important, love your kids and grandkids like I love you, and you will be darn glad when you are as old as me, give me a hug Big boy."
Ed was so generous with his friends they wondered what was up with Ed and those he interacted with at the grocery store, or in traffic just passing by might have thought him strange, he was too good to them, or was too helpful and understanding. They had no idea what Ed was up to.
When Ed’s time came to die he was pleased that all he loved knew he did, and his children and grandchildren knew how important it was to do their best, because their life was most important to themselves. When his death was near he knew he had accomplished a great deal, and that was good. Ed’s trophies were awesome after all.
And now an article that is relevant :
Health Benefits of Writing
Have a Chronic Health Problem? How the Internet Can Help
By Melanie Haiken, Caring.com senior editor
Last updated: January 06, 2014
It might surprise you to learn that 45 percent of American adults -- almost half -- are living with a chronic health condition such as diabetes, heart disease, COPD, cancer, or allergies or asthma. And while no one would argue the fact that the Internet can be a helpful resource for health information and support, new research from the Pew Research Center finds that those with chronic health conditions are less likely to be online than those who are healthy, regardless of age. That said, Pew's findings also showed that those Internet users who do have a chronic health condition are more likely to be extremely active online, using the Internet frequently to access information, data, and support.
What Pew calls the "diagnosis difference" has a profound effect both on how much these adults use the Internet and how they use it. People in this group are more likely to be social online, joining communities, accessing support groups, and commenting on articles and blog posts … Please go to this link of a content contributor to this blog to finish this very insightful article http://www.caring.com/articles/health-benefits-writing
For other topics and works of Coleman Weeks you may wish to visit
http://howdowefeedtheworldsstarving.com or it's Facebook social site https://www.facebook.com/pages/How-Do-We-Feed-the-Worlds-Starving/647102561967329
https://www.amazon.com/author/colemanweeks
